New Thoughts

So fuck my last post.

I swear Im like Jekyl and Hyde, the person with the crazy split personality. The better me is coming out now.

I want to stay thin.

I know I probably sound past retarded or whatever but I was seriously bummin about how guys always say I should gain weight. But whatever. Ill find the right guy who wants me for how I want me to be...and thats skinny as hell! FUCK whatever anyone else says. Plus the compliments from other jealous girls are so nice to hear :) too bad im not lesbian and never EVER could be- then I'd be set! hahahaha Im sure Ill find a good man eventually. But enough worrying about that..I have way bigger things to worry about like my fucking appetite the last few days! Holy mother of God! Ive eaten SOOOO much and the restriction starts TOMORROW! NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS! THIS IS MY NOTE TO SELF: DO NOT OVEREAT. DO NOT SHOVE FOOD INTO YOUR MOUTH UNLESS YOU ARE SERIOUSLY REALLY HUNGRY. EAT LEFTOVER SALAD, APPLES, GRAPES, LOW-CAL BREAD, CUCUMBERS, AND BROCCALI. PUT DOWN THE FUCKING PIE. PUT DOWN THE FUCKING CANDY. PUT DOWN THE FUCKING COOKIES. THEY DONT EVEN TASTE THAAAAT GOOD AND YOU ALREADY HAD ENOUGH. AND IT SHOWS FATASS

I also didnt work out today for THE first time in over 5 or 6 months. That just pisses me off, but I really didn't have time I guess, and the gym was closed for X-Mas. Tomorrow, Im working out HardCore!! I won't even care if people I went to h.s. with are there looking at me weird for being on the same machine for over and hour than swicthing to another one for over an hour then switching aagain. Screw them!!

Ok now out of curiosity I want to strip down and weigh myself. AHHH here it goes...

....

hmmm i think its a crappy scale. it said 101--ish. it is really old though, from like the 80s or early 90s. I need a new one bad. but 101s allright, Ill go with that I guess. And since Im home for the holidays, I go to a new gym and that scale is really crappy too, but Ill weigh myself still just to see what it says I guess. Oh, and while I was changing I took a pic! my webcams crappy and my real cams downstairs and I didnt wanna run downstairs naked so I just took one bad one. I bet you can totally tell Im way bloated though! I probably look four months preggo! Yuck! Thats one shitty thing about being really thin-you have no layers of fat to hide your tummy after youve eaten, so your belly puffs up and sticks out like a starving African childs'. lol..

Well, now that Im on this super-thin kick I will be posting much more often!!! Seriously, I feel retarded. I apoligize in advance for the post I'll probably make in a week saying "im sick of being thin; fuck it; i want to be normal; its not healthy; BLAH BLAH." NO. FUCK THAT. I DO WANT TO STAY THIS THIN. maybe even a teeeeeny tiiiiiny bit thinner :]] whatever. merry xmas ladies! ill be sure to read all your blogs in the next few days and put in my two cents! :) and enjoy my "im-expecting-in-3-months-pic!" hahahaha its a boy haha!!!