111.7

That is refreshing. Much more than 113 which I saw the other day! Yuck! I doubt Im actually thinner, Im sure it's water/food weight. I havent exactly eaten well lately. I feel like I have no willpower. Like I deserve to be fat. Which I pretty much am. I officially feel obese and hate it! Everytime I walk by a mirror, I just look at myself and think YUCK you look like a discusting pile of fat and everyone else thinks it too. Gross Gross GROSS! FAT! PIG!

And I think my roomate is thinner than I am. It clear that shes ana, but she doesnt know anyone knows. Its obvous though. AT the beginning of the year, I was like 100 lbs and way thinner than her. She looked kind of chubby and untoned. But since then Ive gained and shes lost. Im not saying Id want to look like her, she has pale skin and nasty hair, and all my other friends talk shit about her never eating anything, and honestly, I just am like whatever. Theres no way I'd be like "oh its cool" or anything like that. But none of us even like her, so Im not backing her up. Fuck her. She pisses me off because shes so lazy and hasnt worked out once this year. Blahh I jsut..ahh i dont even want to talk about her anymore. It just irks me that someone is thinner than me lol...I, III want to be the thinnest ! lol

Anyway, on a happier note, I heard one nice thing the other day! :) I was talking to some friends about caffeine and stuff and I said how it affects me like craazy, and even if I have a little bit at night I can't sleep well, and one of my friends said "Maybe its because youre so skinny....like reeealllly skinny..." I kind of just blew it off but on the inside i was like :D :D yayy SOMEONE thinks Im thin!! lol

Well I guess besides the fact that I am an obese failure, I have nothing else to add..
Hope everyone has an ounce more willpower than me. I will be hittin the gym HARD the next few days. In two saturdays Im running a half marathon so that will be one low-cal day lol Hopefully my family doesn't breathe down my neck about it and stuff me with food :(


xx