emergency post

thanks for those comments on that last post- its nice to hear things like that :)
well yesterday i went shopping with my mom and my older sis(shes 29, im 18) and she pulled me aside at a store and asked if ive lost more weight. i just kind of looked at her confusedly and was like no im pretty sure i havent. and she just looked at me and said i look a lot more bony and i need to be careful. that kind of gave me mixed feelings i guess, but i know i stay healthy and i dont think i want to go under 100 again (btw im 5'6"..). about a year ago i slowly went from my norm weight-107ish (the most ive ever weighed in my life was about 108/110) to around 98. at one point i was 96, but then guidance counselours pulled me aside and gave me a whole talk and asked what ive eaten today and blah blah. and they even called me parents and acted all concerned but duh cmon they dont/didnt even know me, it was a huge school. so now ive kind of been lingering around the 100 mark. a very untrustworthy scale said i was 101, which i guess could mean anything between 90 and 140 lol. so who knows where im really at now. ive just been working out a shitload during the whole break since theres nothing else to even do. ive also been eating a lot but if i think im gaining then ill cut back on the snacking.

today while mom was at church i did the elliptical in our basement for an hour, then a few random excersises. ill head off to the gym very soon to try to get around 2 hours of cardio..i hope no one i know is there, including my friends. they do like 20 mins of cardio and then leave, its so pointless. what are they going to think when they see me doing 2 hours?! ughhh ill just make something up like that i wont be here for a few days so im doing extra today lol.

(((EDIT; later on today...)))

okay so literally 20 mins after this post i was leaving for the gym and my mom started talking to me about how im too thin. she said i dont eat enough and my arms are way too thin and i look like a skeleton. she said its not attractive at all and that i look really bony. she had the nerve to ask me "are you trying to kill youself?!" and "why do you try so hard to stay this thin?" she even asked me everything ive eaten today and how much i weighed. all night shes been watching me now and keeps telling me to eat. it seriously makes me feel lower than shit. she called someone and talked to them, most likely about this all, but idk who it was. if it was my dad, ill die. like literally ill wanna fucking die. he tried calling my cell like 30 mins after she was talking to someone on her phone, which makes me think it was him. i didnt answer obviously. im so fucking scared and just pissed off. what the hell am i supposed to do. no matter what i ever do someone is unhappy or pissed off at me and i can never do anything right.

i havent felt this shitty in a long time and im really going to need to think about things for a few days. i dont know if its worth it anymore if im going to get scrutenized for everything i do.