i was right. they did it. my whole fucking family-my mom, dad, older sister, grandma, and aunt all fucking staring at me telling me im too thin and NEED to gain weight. for two hours they all just said how unhealthy i looked and that i worked out too much and that its so bad that i havent had a period in two years. the whole period/fertiliy thing is the ONLY thing i really dislike about being so thin, because i want kids for an option someday. they made me weigh myself after we ate and i weighed 105 and my grandma just snapped 'well, shes really 103 without the clothes and shoes!!' and i just wanted to fucking crawl in a hole and die. my mom gave me a whole packet of papers about anorexia (the ones i found in her purse the other night) and she said i ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO gain weight and she started a chart of the date and how much i weigh and she said "so whats our goal--a pound a week or so?". thats when i knew that i was pretty much fucked.
she said if im not gaining the weight fast enough i have to take a semester off of school to get therapy and live at home so she fucking feeds me. god, this seriously just fucking sucks. now i know every time one of them look at me its because they are just going to judge how fatter im getting. if they ever offer food and i decline, i know ill just get sctrutinized and theyll just question why im not eating. FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKK!!!!!! oh my god!! im just so mad. i know theyre just trying to help but just the fact that it was such a big deal-like the reason we had dinner together was BECAUSE they wanted to talk to me.
so pretty much to sum up, ill never be this thin again. ever. whatever i am now, it will only go up or else ill be put in a nut house or something. weigh-ins every week, constantly eating, bulging stomach, omggggggggggggggggggg.
i guess theres no point for this blog anymore unless to document my weight gain heh heh.... idk who cares abojut that lol.
TO ALL MY GALS: be careful. dont get so thin that this same thing will happen to you. once for family really starts to notice and become aware of you to a T, youre screwed. like i am. ill be babied for the next year until i gain a few and get a period. and next week im going on the pill to force a period.
ill still keep this blog going, and thanks for all the comments-i trully truly appreciate them :)
&&good luck to everyone else while i do the exact opposite of you all!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
:( So so sorry this happened to you doll. Stay positive, and keep your head up.
xoxo
DAG.
how much do they want you to weigh? No more than 110-115, I hope...
Damn girl. THat sucks and blows.
Dude, I'm so sorry. Maybe in the mean time you can save up money to move out. Also, I'm on birth control and my period comes reaaalllly intermittently..like, a couple times a year, and it is always really light..like i only use really light tampoons, and i know it is not because i am underweight, cuz i am not (5'3" 114 lbs)...i think i dont get mine cuz im always stressed out. anyways, if she tries to get u to eat till ur period comes back, say all the stress that she is putting on you may prevent it. anyways, good luck to you!
That sounds like a nightmare. Hope you keep up the blog because its be a great read, no matter which way your weight is going. You'll be ok!! <3 Things will get better.
OOOOh i just thought of one more thing...a few years ago when i was using drugs/drinking/purging and my family was worried and my mom tried to be all controlling over everything i did, who i hung out with etc etc...someone recommended to her to go to a support group for the friends/family of people of addictions like ED's, alcoholism...that sort of thing. boy did this change my moms way of thinking. in the meetings that she went to they told her that she was co-dependant and she couldnt force me to do anything and that being more controlling would only push me away further. The group is called "ala-non"...shell learn that she cant FORCE you to eat...that you have to want it or what she is trying to do wont help. Here is the site:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/
The groups lean more towards alcoholism...but really its about any addiction. I hope this helps.
im so sorry sweetie! i know that you're strong enough to live through it. just like reese said, stay positive and keep your head up.
mwuah!
xoxoxo
amybear
=O
omg.
im so sorry...
that sucks really bad...
i think you should sit her down and tell her that yes, you have a problem but putting you in a nut house or forcing you to eat wont help either of you.and that you understand shes concerned but making you gan like 40 lbs wont help anybody.
god, im so sorry this happened to you... maybe things will get better when you move out??
good luck, stay strong
XOXO Sophia Ruins <3
I am so sorry that happened. Hang in there!
*hugs* there are tricks. Don't let them tell you how to live, don't let them make you give up what you worked so hard for.
Sometimes when there's no way out Mia can be a really good friend.
Good luck.
Post a Comment